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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561799">Now and Forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCapasso/pseuds/JCapasso'>JCapasso</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haven (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:33:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCapasso/pseuds/JCapasso</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fix it fic for the finale. Duke said that 'when a Crocker dies their troubles die with them', but that doesn't mean they can't be resuscitated afterwards.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Audrey Parker/Nathan Wuornos, Duke Crocker/Audrey Parker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh, is it your turn now? You're going to tell me how much I mean to you? How we're family?” Duke sneered at Audrey when she stepped into his path. </p><p>“No,” Audrey said simply. She knew that wouldn’t be the way to reach Duke. She had a big advantage with this one. She /knew/ Duke. How he thought. How his mind worked. What he really wanted. </p><p>“No?” Duke asked surprised. “Hundreds and hundreds of your little speeches..."Trouble whispering" all of your little lambs. You must have something special in your bag of trick for me.” Unless of course she never really cared in the first place which was always a possibility. </p><p>“I'm not going to tell you what you already know, that what you're doing is wrong. I'm not going to beg for our lives, Duke.” She knew that would just give the evil side of him more power. To see them cower and beg. </p><p>“Don't be so melodramatic. Croatoan wants you alive. Nathan too, for now. As long as the old lady doesn't get in my way, I will take the artiste and go,” Duke assured her. </p><p>“I will not let you kill Vickie,” Audrey said firmly. </p><p>“Oh, I see. You'll only let me kill when it serves your purpose. Well, I don't work for you anymore,” Duke sneered. </p><p>“You never worked for us,” Nathan couldn’t help but interject despite the fact that he was trying to stay out of it. He’d had his chance and failed. If anyone could get through to Duke it would be Audrey. </p><p>“No, Duke's right,” she told Nathan before turning back to Duke. “We used you. I... used you. When we found out about the Crocker family curse, about what it could do, I used that as a tool to stop the Troubles because that's what I was sent here to do. But I didn't think about how much it was going to hurt you, how killing all of those people, how...how it would change you,” she said gently. She should have. She should have known how deeply it would affect him. She had seen how hard he was fighting his destiny, but she just shoved it aside. </p><p>“It didn't change anything. This was always meant to be,” Duke said, pushing that other side of himself, the weak side, back down when it tried to rear it’s head. </p><p>I don't think it was. I think you were fighting your destiny. And if left alone, maybe you might have even won. But I didn't know that. And I came along, and I sent you on that path. And for that, I am truly sorry,” she said sadly. She meant that more than she could ever put into words. She had always been so amazed by his strength and she hadn’t even considered that it could wane one day. “I know how it feels, Duke, to be fighting to be the person that you want to be when everyone is telling you to be someone else. Croatoan thinks that I'm his daughter. L-I look like her. I sound like her. Do you know how easy it would be to just say, "Sure, it's good to see you, Dad," and stop being scared?” I'm so tired,” she started walking slowly towards him, ignoring the way his hand flexed around his knife. She looked straight in his eyes, ignoring how unsettling it was to see those deep wells of black and trying to see behind them. “I'm so tired of fighting my destiny. But I can't give up. Because when I look in the mirror, I only see me. I see the person that I truly am. The only person I want to be.” She could tell by the minute shifting in his stance, the uncomfortable twitch of his shoulders, the tilt of his head, that she was getting through to him. She was reaching him. It was time for the big finale. “So tell me, Duke, when you look in the mirror, when no one else is around, who are you?” She was barely inches from him now, he couldn’t ignore her or look away. </p><p>Duke could finally feel himself fighting through the fog that had been enveloping him. He could feel himself making progress for the first time in days. Audrey…she was here. She was fighting for him. He reached up his hand, glad when it responded for once, and placed it to her cheek, leaning closer to breathe her in to overcome that last bit of resistance that allowed him to let the knife fall from his hand before he tried his voice. “I'm Duke Crocker…And I just want to go back to being a pirate,” he said almost desperately. </p><p>Audrey jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly and Duke clung to her like a lifeline, burying his face in her neck for a moment, before he could bring himself to look at Nathan worriedly. Partially because of his proximity to Audrey, but mostly because of everything that he’d done the last few days, but Nathan just smiled and nodded at him in a way that made it clear that all was forgiven. He finally managed to let go and step back with a hoarse and hesitant, “hey.” </p><p>“Welcome back, kiddo,” Gloria was the first to say. </p><p>“Glad to be back,” Duke said relieved. </p><p>“I knew you could beat him,” Nathan said proudly. </p><p>“Yeah, not soon enough,” Duke scoffed at his own weakness. </p><p>“We have to make sure that Croatoan doesn't find out about you. Is there any way that you can use your phasing Trouble to get out of town?” Audrey asked worriedly. She needed him as far away from this as possible. It was bad enough that Nathan was in it, but there was no way he was going to be talked into leaving. She couldn’t handle both of the men she loved in the line of fire. She needed at least one of them to get clear. </p><p>“I'm not going anywhere,” Duke said as though it should be obvious, ignoring the pleading look from Audrey. “I'm going to kill Croatoan.” </p><p>“No. No way. You're not going anywhere near him,” Nathan said firmly. </p><p>“Nathan, the things that he made me do, the people I killed, the friends I hurt, what I did to the both of you...He's trying to split you up. He knows you are stronger together. Please, you have to let me help. I need to make things right,” he begged. He’d tried the whole running away thing and it just made things worse. He had to fight. And only part of that was for revenge or penance. He had to prove that he was better than that. Than the part of himself that fell to Croatoan’s control. </p><p>“You will. I promise. But we have to be careful. If Croatoan gets a hold of one of your Troubles...” Audrey cut off as Duke doubled over in pain. She managed to keep him on his feet, but he stumbled away from her. “What? What's wrong?” she asked fearfully. </p><p>“He knows,” Duke croaked. “Croatoan knows. He's taking them. I can't stop him,” he started to panic. </p><p>“What can we do?” Audrey asked desperately, watching as the troubles were pulled from Duke and flying from the room. “There's got to be something that we can do.”</p><p>“There is,” Duke said hauntedly as he slowly turned around and looked Nathan in the eyes. “You have to kill me.” He realized now that it was always going to come to this. This was the only way it could end. It had all been leading to this point. Even Nathan getting that stupid tattoo. He set his mind and said more firmly, “You have to kill me. Now. Before he takes any more!”</p><p>“There has to be another way,” Nathan shook his head calmly.</p><p>“There isn't!” Duke snapped. Did they really think that this was /his/ preferred option? He didn’t want to die, but there wasn’t another way. </p><p>“Duke...” Audrey started before Duke cut her off. </p><p>“Whenever a Crocker has died, the Troubles stayed with him! If I'm dead, Croatoan has no way of collecting them,” he tried to reason. Tried to help them see that he was okay with it. </p><p>“No…Duke. I can't,” Nathan said firmly. He fully recognized the irony. A few years ago he wouldn’t have hesitated and maybe even enjoyed it, but now…with how much Duke had come to mean to him…how much he absolutely meant to Audrey…he couldn’t. </p><p>“Yes, you can, Nathan. You can to save Haven, to save Audrey,” Duke said earnestly. Nathan was stronger than he thought he was. He always had been. He was the only one that could do this now. </p><p>“No. No, not like this,” Audrey argued desperately. Like she wanted her life if it was at the cost of Duke’s. Like that would ever be a trade she could accept. </p><p>Duke started getting desperate. “I'd do it myself, I'd go to the roof and jump. But if I break open and bleed out all my Troubles, then I died for nothing! Croatoan took everything from me. I have to take something back. I have to choose my destiny,” he looked deep into Audrey’s eyes, begging her to understand. If anyone could understand it would be her. “I have to show Croatoan that Duke Crocker's nobody's bitch,” he said more to Nathan. “So please. Please,” he said softly, but no one moved. “Come on, please. Please!” he snapped. When it was clear that Nathan wasn’t going to do it, he turned to his next best option. “Gloria?”</p><p>“No, I'm sorry, Duke,” she said tearfully. </p><p>Duke spun as another trouble flew from his eye. “Do you see that? Who knows which one that was! You have no idea the horrible Troubles that I've taken inside of me! And if I let Croatoan get them, then he wins!” he yelled frantically before forcing himself to calm down. Getting worked up was not going to convince anyone. “That's not my destiny,” he said earnestly. “That's not me.”</p><p>“No,” Audrey whispered as her tears started to fall. She knew that he was right. That he had the right to choose this. That letting Croatoan beat him would destroy him far more surely than death ever would. </p><p>Duke could see that he’d convinced her at least, but he could never ask her to do it. He could never put that burden on her shoulders. “Nathan, please. I can't do it myself. There's no time,” he begged, tears coming to his own eyes as well. </p><p>“I know. Everything's gonna be all right,” Nathan promised, feeling his heart break. </p><p>When Duke spun around as another trouble flew from him, Nathan hesitated for a second and Audrey breathed out, “Nathan…” She wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him to do it or not to do it. Well, no. She knew what she /wanted/ to tell him, but not what she should tell him. Before she could come to any kind of decision, Nathan had acted. One of his arms went around Duke’s throat while his other hand covered his friend’s mouth and nose. Duke instinctively struggled for a moment at first, but quickly quashed the reaction and forced himself to relax and let it happen. </p><p>Audrey let out a gasping sob before she came to her senses. She had to hold it together just a little bit longer. She had to ignore Gloria and Vicki huddled away from the action crying. “Hey. Duke, it's gonna be okay, all right?” she said moving over to his line of sight and taking his hand in hers. “We love you.”</p><p>Duke did his best to keep his eyes on Audrey. To let her be the last thing he saw. And it worked for a long while, even as Nathan told him, “You are the bravest man I ever met, Duke Crocker, you always have been. So much we've done together. So much we never could've done without you. I owe you so much.I will spend the rest of my life trying to repay that debt.” Those words meant so much to Duke. Partially because he knew that Nathan knew that the best way to repay the debt was for him to save this town and keep Audrey happy. That was all Duke ever wanted. At the last moment, just as Duke felt the life fading from him, his eyes fluttered and the last thing he saw, just like Vanessa had predicted so long ago, was Nathan’s tattoo before his eyes closed for the last time. </p><p>Audrey’s heart broke as Duke went limp and she could feel herself falling apart. When Nathan let go, Dwight and Vince were just coming in and they laid him out on one of the desks, Nathan went to sit on another one. Part of Audrey knew that she should be trying to comfort Nathan, but another part of her just couldn’t. If he had come to her for it, it might have been different, but she just let him wallow on his own. </p><p>“I’m so sorry. What Duke became…wasn’t who he was,” Vince said sadly. </p><p>“No…and in the end it’s what saved us,” Audrey said tearfully. </p><p>“Maybe all of Haven if it stopped Croatoan from getting all his troubles,” Dwight added, wanting to honor Duke’s sacrifice too. </p><p>“The Aether core…it’s been destroyed. There’ll be no way to build a new barn. No way to end the troubles,” Audrey told them. It was all such a waste. Sure Duke’s death had prevented Croatoan from getting all those troubles, but for what? They still had no way to win. Dwight came over and pulled her into a side hug as her tears kept falling. </p><p>“Dwight maybe you can just help me get him to the truck? We’ll put him on ice until we can give him a proper burial…at sea…with Jennifer…he would have liked that,” Gloria said sadly. </p><p>“Yeah…at sea,” Nathan spoke up for the first time since it happened. Audrey saw the tears streaming down his face and felt horrible for keeping her distance, but when she started to step towards him, he got up and quickly said, “I’m gonna go take a walk. Be back in a minute.” </p><p>As Audrey watched him go, she suddenly got an idea. “Wait…hang on…” she got a spark of life back in her eyes. “If we can resuscitate him…will his troubles come back with him?” she asked with a desperate hope. </p><p>“Audrey…he made his choice,” Dwight said gently. </p><p>“No,” she shook her head. “I can’t accept that this is the end. If we can bring him back…without all those troubles…outside of Croatoan’s control…”</p><p>“And if it doesn’t work?” Dwight asked pointedly. “Are you going to ask Nathan to kill him again? Or will you ask me to this time.”</p><p>“No,” Audrey shook her head. She couldn’t put this burden on anyone else. “I’ll do it myself if it comes to it,” she said shakily. It would be worth it to give him a chance. “It’s not too late is it?” she asked Gloria. “Please tell me it’s not too late.” </p><p>“I don’t know,” Gloria admitted. “The longer it goes, the less chance of it working,” she said already starting CPR, motioning Audrey to take over the breaths. “But it’s still possible. And we still have a couple minutes before the brain damage would be definite, so…” </p><p>Dwight considered going to get Nathan, but decided to wait. If it didn’t work there was no reason to get his hopes up the way Audrey’s already were. He thought this was a reckless idea. That there was no way to know if his troubles would come back with him. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to persuade anyone otherwise right now though. If it came to it, and Audrey couldn’t or wouldn’t do what needed to be done, he would just have to do it himself. And for that, he needed to be here. Not out chasing Nathan down. </p><p>When she felt Duke gasp for breath, Audrey stepped back to give him some space, noticing Gloria stop the chest compressions and take his wrist to get a pulse. She gave him a second to open his eyes and get his bearings before she asked worriedly, “Did the troubles come back with you?” </p><p>“I…don’t think so?” Duke said weakly, trying to sit up, but Gloria just pushed him back down. She was much stronger than she looked. That and the fact that his chest hurt like a bitch, meant that he did as she obviously wanted. </p><p>“You don’t /think/ so?” Dwight asked seriously, pointing out that they needed a little more than that. </p><p>“I don’t feel the power exploding out of me like before, so…I guess not?” Duke said giving Dwight an irritated look. Like he wouldn’t give a better answer if he could. “What the hell happened? I remember Nathan…and Audrey…and then…”</p><p>“You said that when a Crocker died their troubles died with them. It dawned on me that they might not come back if you were resuscitated so we gave it a shot,” Audrey told him, unable to take her eyes off him as she clutched his hand as if to make sure he was real. </p><p>“How long was I…out?” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word dead. </p><p>“Almost seven minutes,” Gloria told him. “It was close.”</p><p>“Nathan?” Duke looked around the room. </p><p>“I’ll go get him,” Dwight said now that he was relatively sure he wouldn’t be needed. </p><p>“We’ll be down in the morgue,” Gloria told them. “I know we can’t let him be seen, but I have enough equipment down there to keep an eye on him and make sure he stays okay.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Duke rolled his eyes and started to sit up again. </p><p>Gloria just shoved him back down. “The hell you are. You were just dead, Duke. And as fine as you seem to be, there’s no guarantee there isn’t any brain damage from being down for so long. Not to mention other side effects that could crop up, or you could even die again and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let that happen. You are going to stay in my care for at least the next three days while I make sure you’re okay.” </p><p>“I can’t stay out of things for three days. I have to fight. I have to…”</p><p>“You have to get well,” Audrey interjected firmly. “There’s no point taking you out there when you could collapse at any moment and then put us all in danger trying to help you.” She knew that putting it that way was the only way she had a chance of making him listen. “Plus the fact that just because you’re trouble-free right now doesn’t mean that your family curse is gone and who knows if Croatoan can renew that link to you if he gets his hands on you and get you out there gathering up troubles again. Then we’re right back where we are now.” </p><p>“Audrey, I can’t just…”</p><p>“You can. And you will,” Nathan ordered from the doorway where he came back with Dwight. He had just been outside the building, not able to go far. </p><p>When Duke tried to get up again to keep arguing, Gloria rolled her eyes and let him, but motioned Dwight and Nathan closer. No sooner than Duke got on his feet, his knees buckled and he started to crumple, but by then Dwight and Nathan were close enough to catch him. “Get him down to the morgue,” Gloria told them. “And /you/…” she pointed at Duke. “Quit arguing or I /will/ sedate you until /I’m/ satisfied you’re okay.” </p><p>Duke huffed, but the fact that he could barely hold any of his weight and was practically having to be dragged, made him stop arguing. It would be bad enough being bedridden, but to be sedated and completely unaware of anything going on would be so much worse and he didn’t doubt that Gloria would carry out her threat if he pushed it. “Fine. But I expect to be kept in the loop at least.” </p><p>“If you promise to stay out of it until you’re well enough, then I will promise to keep you updated as much as possible,” Audrey tried to make a deal. </p><p>“Fine. But as soon as I’m completely recovered, I’m fighting,” Duke said firmly. </p><p>“We’ll talk about that then,” Audrey tried to placate him for the moment. </p><p>Duke caught it, but decided that they couldn’t stop him, so just accepted it as they laid him down on the exam table that Vicki had actually lined with blankets and a pillow instead of the cold metal that they usually used for the dead. “Duke…I…” Nathan started to speak but Duke cut him off. </p><p>“Shut up,” he said gently, giving Nathan’s wrist a squeeze. “I know. We’re good…And thank you.” Nathan gave a solemn nod, returning the gesture before he stepped away and none of them noticed Dwight slipping out without a word.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“The Aether, it's coming down even harder,” Nathan said worriedly as they tried to figure out what to do next. He was just glad that Dwight had gotten him the message to get here even if he did find it hard to believe that it had come from Dave’s ghost. </p><p>“Why hasn't it stopped?” Audrey asked Croatoan suspiciously. </p><p>“The Void has smelled your world now, and it wants in,” he told his daughter, trying to steel himself for the decision that he would have to make. </p><p>“Our world? Not just Haven? Everything? Everyone?” Audrey asked feeling the panic start to well up in her. This was her worst nightmare. </p><p>“Yes, but I can stop it,” Croatoan said hauntedly, as he solidified his decision. “I will willingly go into the Barn. If the Void did change me, perhaps this is the way to show you who I once was…The father you loved.” </p><p>“Thank you,” Audrey whispered, finally starting to believe that for the first time. </p><p>“Vince,” he called as he took the crystal out of his pocket. “Let us go. You two may want to move out.”</p><p>“I don't think this is possible,” Vince said worriedly. No matter how much he wished it could be this easy. </p><p>“Vince, just do it,” Nathan said wearily. </p><p>“Nathan, this won't work,” he tried to explain before turning to Croatoan. “You won't work.”</p><p>“Why? To power the Barn you need Aether activated in living form…me,” Croatoan pointed out, not understanding what the problem was. </p><p>“I need more for the huge power necessary for a Barn. The Aether needs a catalyst, a complementary energy to supercharge it. The same energy it has always needed, love. The energy it needed when she went in as Lucy and as Sarah,” he met Nathan’s eyes, knowing that he had to get this across to Nathan before he blew it all yet again trying to keep her here. He only hoped that Nathan had learned his lesson because god help them all if he hadn’t. </p><p>Croatoan took a second for those words to register. He had love. He had to. Because otherwise what was any of it for. What kind of purpose did his life have if he couldn’t even love his own daughter. If he couldn’t save her. He loved his daughter with everything he was. That was why he was doing this. Wasn’t it? “I...” </p><p>“/You/ do not have that,” Vince burst his bubble. </p><p>“I do,” Audrey said sadly, knowing what she had to do. She pulled Vince aside and talked in whispers to get it all worked out before she went back over to where Nathan was standing despondently in the doorway. “Vince said that if I went into the Barn with my father, I could activate the Aether in him...to stop the Void and the 27-year cycle. All the Troubled would live, and the Troubles would be gone forever. It would be finally over, Nathan,” she said sadly, as her eyes filled with tears.</p><p>“Really? I was kind of just getting used to it,” Nathan tried a joke. </p><p>“I have to go,” she said hollowly. </p><p>“You do,” Nathan admitted, words tasting like ash in his mouth, not that his mind wasn’t still searching for another way. Any other way. He wouldn’t risk the whole town…the whole world for it though. Not this time. Not anymore. </p><p>“And I won't be coming back this time,” she wanted to make that clear. </p><p>“I know,” Nathan breathed out. </p><p>“I'm so sorry,” she sniffled as her tears started to fall. </p><p>“What do you have to be sorry for?” Nathan asked as he wrapped her in a comforting hug.</p><p>“Leaving you,” she said as she caressed his cheeks. “I wanted us to have more time.”</p><p>“We'll always want more time. The trick will be being thankful for the time we had. We had an amazing time.” He wanted more time too. More time with her. But more than that, he wished that /she/ had more time. She’d come into this world with the memories of someone else and had so little time to make her own memories. If anyone deserved more time it was her.</p><p>“Yeah, we did,” she whispered as the memories assaulted her. </p><p>“And I spent so much of it trying to keep you here, but now I realize the reason I loved you...is because you're willing to go. You are an amazing person, Audrey Parker. I never felt anything till I met you. You saved me. You made me real. I love you, Audrey. I will always love you,” he said, letting his own tears fall as an idea came to his mind. Not quite fully formed yet, but he was working on it. </p><p>“Nathan, promise me something?” she asked hopefully. </p><p>“Anything,” he whispered. </p><p>“I want you to be okay. I don't want you to be alone, so promise me that you will find someone, you will find someone that will make you happy, and you will move on,” she begged. </p><p>“Move on?” he asked with a scoff as he made his decision, but there was so much more he needed to say before that. “How could I ever do that? I will think about you every minute of every hour of every day, and that's why I'll be okay,” he assured her, hoping that she would remember that after he told her what he was doing. “After everything you've done for the people in this town, for me...Parker...You'll be with me every time I feel something. You'll be with me in all the people whose pain you've taken away. With me and all the people of this town who are free to live...and love...and grow...without fear. When the sun finally shines on Haven again, you'll be with me and all the families that we put back together. And the ones out in the world who suffered with Troubles too. You'll be with me when Haven returns to the world and becomes the town that we both know it can be. And in every person that we gave hope, the faith that something good could happen...for all of us. You'll be with me in every person who's happy now, at peace, because of you, Audrey. I'll never forget you. You will always be with me, and no matter what happens, I will always love you.”</p><p>“I love you too, Nathan. Always,” she stepped away a bit, still holding his hand. “Tell Duke I said goodbye too? And everyone else.”</p><p>Nathan held her hand tighter when she tried to let go and shook his head. “No. /You/ tell them /I/ said goodbye.” </p><p>“What? What are you…” Audrey’s eyes widened. </p><p>“This place is powered by love Audrey and I have plenty of that. You deserve a life too,” Nathan said softly. </p><p>“No, you can’t…Nathan…”</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay,” Nathan said pulling her into another hug. “It’s okay because this is the only way I can be happy.”</p><p>“What do you…” she started to ask but Nathan wasn’t done yet. </p><p>“There is no one else for me, Audrey. But there is for you. If you go in here, you break us both. This way I can give you your happiness. And Duke’s. If anyone deserves happiness for once in his life it’s Duke,” Nathan told her, trying to get that point across to lessen her arguments. “And that’s why I’ll be happy. Because I gave you yours. Both of you.”</p><p>“Nathan, no…” she shook her head, tears falling heavier. “Duke is…”</p><p>“You love him, Audrey. I know that. I’ve always known, and it never bothered me. Because I knew you loved me too. Even knowing how much he loved you too didn’t bother me because he loved you enough to let you go. To let you be happy with me. But things are different now. Losing you would destroy us both Audrey. Let me give you two the happiness you deserve.” </p><p>“Nathan…”</p><p>“Let me choose my own destiny,” he said earnestly, knowing how deep those words would resonate with her after everything. “This is my choice.” </p><p>Audrey swallowed heavily around the lump in her throat as she flashed back to the time when she went in the barn and asked him to accept her choice. How she’d accepted Duke’s choice to sacrifice himself to save them all. How could she deny him the same? How could she take that away from him? “It’s so much harder from this side,” she broke down, and he just held her tighter. </p><p>“I know,” he said sadly. “But it’s your turn to promise me that you’ll be okay. That you’ll move on and be happy. Take care of Duke, Audrey. And let him take care of you. Let my sacrifice mean something, okay?” Now that he had her convinced that he had to go, he had to convince her to continue to live after. </p><p>“I will,” she promised hoarsely. “But…we don’t even know if it’ll work with you.”</p><p>“Then we’ll ask. And if it will…you have to let me go.”</p><p>“And if it won’t…you have to let /me/ go,” Audrey said, hoping against hope that it wouldn’t work for Nathan. That she would be the one to go. </p><p>“Deal,” Nathan agreed. “Come on. Let’s go find out.” When Vince agreed that it would work, but asked if they were sure, Nathan nodded. “I’m sure. This is the best way.” Audrey jumped in his arms and kissed him soundly, telling him again how much she loved him before walking out shakily. Nathan had just enough time to take out his phone and send a text to Duke with where they were and that Audrey needed him before the armory/barn disappeared, pulling all the Aether in the world with it. </p><p>Duke got the message immediately, being beyond bored just laying around in the morgue. At least Gloria said that she would let him go in a few hours. When he opened the message and read it, he was up like a shot. “Whoa, where do you think you’re going?” Gloria asked sternly. She was intentionally keeping him until it was all over at Nathan and Audrey’s request. </p><p>“I need to go. Text from Nathan. Audrey needs me,” Duke told her quickly. </p><p>Gloria snatched the phone out of his hand to confirm before nodding and handing it back to him. If Nathan was asking for him then it must be over. She had suspected once the little black ball went flying out of Vicki, but this was the confirmation she needed. “Okay. Go ahead then. And hurry.”</p><p>Duke nodded gratefully and dashed out the door to his truck, heading full speed for the armory, only to be confused when he got there and it was gone, but Audrey was kneeling on the ground outside where it used to be sobbing. He had heard that they were turning it into a barn for Croatoan, so he got why it disappeared, but where was Nathan? Hadn’t he been here? And why had he texted Duke to come? It didn’t make sense. His first priority was Audrey though and he fell to his knees beside her, reaching a hand out to brush her hair back as he asked, “Audrey?” looking for some sign of how to help her. </p><p>When Audrey heard Duke’s voice and felt the comfort of his touch, she all but fell against him, relaxing as his arms wrapped soothingly around her as she cried on his shoulder. Duke could tell that she didn’t really have words right now, so he just held her and let her cry. He would get the story later. He was sure that if there was anything to be done that she would pull herself together enough to tell him. She always did. Nathan was probably off fixing whatever it was which was why he’d wanted Duke to be here for her. That had to be it. It was a good long while before her sobs turned to sniffles and she started to pull away. “You okay?” Duke asked gently, keeping a hand on her back for support. </p><p>“N-no,” she shook her head. “B-but I will be…one day,” she said hauntedly. “Nathan…he’s gone.”</p><p>“What do you mean gone?” Duke asked worriedly. “Gone where? Why? When will he be back?” </p><p>“The barn…it wouldn’t work just for Croatoan. It needed a-a catalyst…love. I was going to go with them…to-to power it, but…but Nathan…he…”</p><p>Duke pulled her back into another hug, understanding what had happened now and needing the comfort almost as much as she did. He didn’t fault Nathan for his decision. He would have done the same thing in a heartbeat if he’d been here. Sacrificed himself so that Audrey wouldn’t have to. And he knew that Nathan would expect him to help her come to terms with that. “It was his choice, Audrey. And I would have made the same one in his place, so I can tell you with certainty that he doesn’t regret it,” Duke said gently. “We’ll miss him. We’ll mourn him. We’ll honor his sacrifice. But don’t ever forget that, okay?” </p><p>“Okay,” Audrey sniffled, hugging Duke tightly. She could tell that he wasn’t taking it as well as he was pretending. That he was just being strong for her and she appreciated it. Even with that, he still somehow managed to say exactly what she needed to hear. She knew that Nathan wanted her and Duke to be together and happy, but she couldn’t. Not yet. She couldn’t just forget about him and jump into things with Duke. That wouldn’t be fair to any of them. She needed time. “I need to get out of here,” she realized. “Out of Haven…for a while. There are just…to many memories…too much…I just need to…escape from it all…”</p><p>“Okay,” Duke nodded, leaning his head against hers. “We can go take the Rouge…travel as long as you want, as far as you want, for as long as you need.”</p><p>“No, Duke…I can’t ask you to do that…to leave like that for me…”</p><p>“I think we could both use some time away,” Duke told her. Nathan had asked him to take care of her if something ever happened to him. More than once. Even before this last text. Letting her go off god knows where on her own wasn’t living up to that in the slightest. If she really wouldn’t let him, he would accept it, but he was going to do everything he could to keep his promise to his friend. As much as Nathan thought he owed Duke, Duke knew that those debts went both ways and now it was his turn to spend the rest of his life trying to repay that debt. </p><p>Audrey considered it for a moment before nodding. One day…she would be okay enough to let him be more, but for now…she just needed her /friend/ to help put her back together. “Okay. L-let’s do that then…if you’re sure you don’t mind…”</p><p>“I’m sure, Audrey,” he said earnestly, not mentioning his promise to Nathan to look after her, knowing that it wouldn’t help his case. She would just latch onto that and assume that he was doing it out of a sense of responsibility and loyalty and try to push him away to ‘save’ him from that. “Come on. Let’s get out of here for a while.” He knew they would be back one day. They were both tied to this town more deeply than either of them could comprehend. But everyone needed a vacation sometimes, and with the troubles gone, there was no reason for them to stay.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Duke took the time to head into town and stock up for the trip, while also letting the few people who needed to, know what happened and that he and Audrey were taking some time away at her request but they would be back. While he was doing that, Audrey was packing up her apartment. At least some of it, given that there wasn’t a whole lot of space for everything she owned on the Rouge. She had just gotten what she was taking moved onto the deck when Duke got back with his own load of supplies and he unlocked the doors for her so they could get everything inside. He left her to unpacking her things in the spare room that had last been used by Jennifer while he headed to the helm to take them out before coming back to unpack and put everything else away. He had been planning to make dinner, but he found that she had already cried herself to sleep so he just made something small for himself. </p><p>During their trip, they stopped at different ports around the world every few weeks to resupply. Audrey was sure that Duke was using that time to handle some ‘business’ as well, but she didn’t ask and he didn’t say. He had taught her how to meditate early on and tai chi which they did together most mornings. He had tried to teach her yoga, but she was laughably bad at it. She still tried every so often though, sometimes just /because/ it always ended in laughter. She liked Duke’s laugh. Especially as free and open as it had been lately. She had also learned how to fish, including scaling and gutting them, but Duke still didn’t let her cook much. She was helping out in other ways around the boat though as she got more comfortable there. </p><p>They had been out to sea for almost a year before she found herself thinking more seriously about moving on. She had been slowly falling more and more in love with Duke by the day and when that stopped making her feel as guilty, she knew that she was ready and started taking the time to think about how she would bring it up. Assuming Duke even felt that way about her, of course. She knew that Nathan had said he did, but she wasn’t so sure. Either way, she was strong enough to stand on her own feet now if he rejected her and this /was/ Nathan’s last request so she had to take the chance. She considered the timing though. On one hand if it blew up in her face, them dancing uncomfortably around each other for weeks while he headed for a port to drop her off would not be fun. But on the other hand, it would at least give them the forced time together to try and salvage something of their friendship before going their separate ways. </p><p>In the end, she waited until they were pulling away from a port in Japan before she brought up the subject. She knew that the only way he would leave her outside the US was if it went /really/ bad, and otherwise, the long trip back to the states would give them time to get things together. She had also decided how to bring it up. She waited until they were sitting down to dinner before she said, “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>Duke raised a curious eyebrow. They had long been beyond any shyness with each other so the fact that she was asking struck him as odd. “Of course. What’s up?” </p><p>“Back in…in Haven…before everything when you were…under Croatoan’s control…you said something about me choosing Nathan…and seemed a little bitter about it…what did you mean by that?” </p><p>Duke sucked in a sharp breath almost as soon as she started speaking. Haven had barely been mentioned at all during their trip. At least not relating to the troubles. Some stories that she’d dragged out of him about his childhood were obviously set there, but that was the closest they’d ever come. When he realized what she was actually asking he couldn’t help but wince. “That was…you have to understand, Audrey. When I was like that it was…almost like being possessed, but not quite. I mean, it was still me, just…all the worst parts dragged to the surface and suffocating anything good in me.” </p><p>“Yeah. I get that,” Audrey assured him, reaching across the table to put a comforting hand over his. She knew how much he hated talking about this, but she needed to know. “But that means that it was still pulling from your own memories and feelings, so…”</p><p>“Okay, yeah. Maybe I was a little bitter about it, but just a little. Mostly I was just glad you were happy,” he said sincerely. </p><p>“I know, and I appreciate that,” she smiled softly, getting the answer to at least part of her question, but the rest of it apparently needed some clarification. “What I mean is though…when you said that I /chose/ him…I didn’t really.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Duke asked confused. </p><p>“I /chose/ you, Duke. Back in Colorado. But then you pushed me away and yeah, maybe I let you a little too easily, but given the fact that I was going to be disappearing in a few weeks, I figured maybe it was better that way. When I got back though…and Nathan was acting like we were a done deal and everyone was /pushing/ me towards him, including /you/…I just…figured that made it perfectly clear that you didn’t /want/ me to choose you.”</p><p>“You’re not saying that you never wanted to be with Nathan,” Duke asked even more confused than before. </p><p>“No, I did. Otherwise I never would have /let/ myself be pushed into it. I loved Nathan. Some part of me will /always/ love Nathan and I will always cherish every moment we spent together. When it was clear that I couldn’t have you, he was everything I needed. I loved you both, but the two of you made the decision /for/ me. My choice would have been you,” she told him. </p><p>“Did…did Nathan know that?” Duke asked, suddenly more nervous than he could have imagined being. He remembered the way she’d said goodbye to him before the barn. Now that he was thinking back, he could almost feel the longing there that he had misinterpreted at the time as only coming from him. He remembered how she mentioned Colorado like it was one of the highlights of her life. Then she had run over and kissed Nathan. But if she thought that he didn’t want her and wouldn’t have welcomed a kiss like that and she really did love them both…then it did make sense.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “He knew that I loved you. That was why he did what he did. To give us a chance rather than no one getting a chance if I went. He…wanted us to be happy, but…I couldn’t. Not at first.”</p><p>“Of course not,” Duke completely understood. “You can’t just forget about someone you love like that. You can’t just move on overnight.” He took a few deep breaths as he realized what she was trying to say. “But…I don’t want this…not like this…not just because it’s what Nathan wanted…I can’t…”</p><p>“Okay, look,” Audrey said sternly, realizing exactly what he was trying to do. “I let you push me away back in Colorado because I didn’t know how long I had. Because I didn’t know what, if anything, you felt for me at all and I didn’t want to mess up our friendship by pushing the matter, but I’m not going anywhere now. And I’m pretty sure that our friendship is strong enough to withstand anything that happens here, so I’m not just going to accept being pushed away without any explanation again.” If even a small part of him was bitter about not being chosen, if he had /wanted/ to be chosen, that was all she needed to know to fight for this. </p><p>“Okay, then here’s my explanation. I can’t just be a placeholder for Nathan. I can’t be ‘his chosen replacement’. I…I don’t want it that way.” </p><p>“Have you been listening to a word I’ve said?” Audrey rolled her eyes. She knew she shouldn’t have brought up what Nathan had said. She knew that he would take it the wrong way. “I. Love. You. Regardless of whether Nathan knew that or not. Regardless of what he wanted. You were /always/ my choice. If you can’t handle not being the only one in my heart, then okay. If you don’t feel that way about me, I understand. I hope we can still be friends, and I’ll drop this whole thing, but please, Duke. Don’t just push me away because you doubt my feelings.” </p><p>“Of course it’s not about not being the only one in your heart. Even if Nathan was still here, I would be okay with that. And…and I do l-love you, Audrey. I just…” he trailed off with a sigh. </p><p>“You just what, Duke?” she asked gently. “Why did you push me away in Colorado?” She had the feeling that the two things were connected. Why he was pushing her away now might be the same way he pushed her away then and maybe that would be easier for him to talk about being so far in the past. </p><p>“It…I…” Duke paused to take a few deep breaths before deciding to be honest about it and give her the real answer. “When you kissed me, it was like…everything I never knew I needed. I knew in that moment that…that I would do absolutely /anything/ for you. And then…I got scared. I’d never felt anything like that before and I knew how easily I could lose myself in it. How easily you could destroy me when I lost you and I knew that I would. Sooner or later you would open your eyes and realize what kind of person I really was and then you would leave, and I just…I couldn’t have survived that. Not from you.” </p><p>Audrey slid around the circular booth so that she was right next to him and reached her hand to his cheek. “But I already do see you, Duke. I see who you are, good and bad, and I’m not going anywhere. No matter how much you try and push me away, I will be here. If I need to I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes. Because I love you, Duke, and that’s not going to change.” </p><p>Duke leaned into her touch and by the time she finished he had the courage to do what he should have done all along. He leaned forward and kissed her passionately and it was just like Colorado all over again. The same crashing wave of emotion that left him completely helpless, but this time he didn’t even try to stop it. He just let it happen and followed where the wave took him. </p><p>Duke and Audrey spent the rest of the trip wrapped up in each other as they made a leisurely pace towards Brazil, their next port, and even stopped for a few days in the middle of nowhere, as they often did, just to spend time together and do some fishing and relaxation. During that time, they talked a lot about Nathan, including Duke telling her how Nathan always asked him to take care of her if anything happened to him. Once he assured her that his promise had nothing to do with his feelings for her, she felt a lot better about them. It made her realize, once and for all, that Nathan really did want them to be happy together. That it wasn’t just about sacrificing himself for her happiness, and that it wasn’t a hasty choice. It had been something that he had thought about for far longer than she knew. </p><p>By the time they made port in Brazil, they had both come to terms with Nathan’s role in their relationship and his permanent place in Audrey’s heart and Audrey was ready for another conversation. “Can we go home?” she asked him as they were leaving Brazil. </p><p>“Home as in…”</p><p>“Haven?” </p><p>Duke smiled brightly and pulled her in for a soft kiss. “If you’re ready, then yeah. We can go home,” he assured her. “I just need to make a quick stop in Florida first.” </p><p>Audrey couldn’t help but laugh. It was the closest he’d ever come to admitting his ‘side business’ during their trip. “Whatever you need to do,” she said amusedly before something else dawned on her. “Do you think the Gull is still doing okay?” </p><p>“Oh, sure,” Duke assured her. “I always call and check in whenever we’re in port somewhere and we’ve only been gone a little over a year. My staff are good at their jobs.” </p><p>“Okay. Good,” she sighed happily, settling into his arms. She hadn’t known that he checked in whenever he could, and wondered for a moment why he never told her before she figured it out. She’d been so intent on escaping Haven and all the memories there so he was trying to shield her from as much as he could without letting his only legitimate business suffer. “You could have told me, you know,” she whispered. </p><p>“I know. If I’d needed to, I would have,” he replied, pressing a kiss to her head. When they got back to Haven a month later, the first place they went was into the Gull for dinner. They’d eaten out at different ports all around the world, but there really was no place like home. </p><p>Duke and Audrey were married three years later, and their first child was born two years after that. They named him Nathan Wade Crocker, since his brother was the only one from his own family that Duke ever wanted to honor and they both wanted to honor Nathan’s sacrifice that allowed them their happiness. They still missed him every day and their son, and their other two children that followed, grew up with stories of their ‘Uncle Nathan’. </p><p> </p><p>“I have to say, I was skeptical, but you were right,” Vince told Nathan as they watched over what was happening on earth. </p><p>“I’m still not sure how I feel about my daughter and a pirate,” Croatoan huffed. </p><p>“Duke may be a pirate, but he’s a good guy. He’ll take good care of her and he makes her happy,” Nathan assured them both. </p><p>“I still can’t believe they named their son after you,” Vince said with a shake of his head. </p><p>“I can,” Nathan chuckled. “Duke will always feel just a little bit guilty that he got her in the end and I’m not there. And Audrey will always love me just as much as she loves him. I’m not the least bit surprised.” </p><p>“You’re still glad you came?” Croatoan asked curiously. He was still trying to get a handle on the whole love and sacrifice idea, so it wasn’t an uncommon question between them. </p><p>“It was the best decision I ever made,” Nathan told them. “Seeing them happy and living their lives is more than worth it. And it’s not like it’s so bad here.” He had been a little worried during that first year of moping, and when Duke had tried to push her away, but they worked it out. Like he always suspected they would if given half a chance.</p>
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